Heart Broken

It's been a long time since I blogged. Here I am once again with a downer post. But if I can't use my blog for some cathartic writing, what's the point of having it?

For starters, I am actually fine, Smokey is doing well. Rocky is an obnoxious pain in the ass currently on anti-anxiety meds. My condo is awesome. I just finished painting the kitchen and I'm working my way around re-painting all the trim. All that's left to paint are the bathrooms and the ceilings. But I have time.

So today I find myself heart broken once again. I started seeing someone again about a year ago that I used to see and we have been casually dating and having fun. So now that a year has gone by I asked him if there was going to be more between us. After putting off the discussion for a month, he told me today, no, there won't be anymore and he should have told me 6 months ago. Yeah, that's right, he's been leading me on for 6 months. Nice huh?

He and I have been friends for a few years now, but I told him that if there wasn't going to be anymore then we couldn't be friends that it would hurt me too much. So after he told me no, he asked if we could still be friends, told me he cares about me and he will never forget me and all the good times and intimate times we have shared.

It's a good thing I worked from home today since I spent the entire day crying and trying to work. My question is, why aren't I good enough? Why can't I find someone who just wants to be with me? Why??

Ok, I'm signing off, I can hardly type through the tears. I hope everyone is well.