Agony

I took Smokey to the vet tonight and was told that it is time. They understand that I will do it when necessary and in the mean time they will try to help me make him more comfortable. Since this picture was taken in September he has lost 7lbs, he is 20lbs now, his eyebrows are all white, he has trouble sitting/laying down and getting comfortable and he has numerous accidents in the house. He can no longer hold it for 8 hours, it's lucky if he holds it 2 hours. We get up in the middle of the night, sometimes twice to go out. I clean up after him, I haven't had a full night's sleep in over 2 years. I do these things because I love him and I can't bear the thought of losing him.

However, I can't bear the thought of him being in pain. The Dr. said he is in pain and that with the tumors things will only get worse. He strains so hard to go to the bathroom he falls over. She said we could put him on 2 more medications to help with the pain and see if the antibiotics will help him at all. But I don't want to do that to him, he's been too good of a dog to let him be in pain or pump him with meds. They ran some tests to see if he has kidney disease and to see if by chance he has an infection that could be helped by antibiotics.

The results will be in tomorrow. My heart will be broken forever.