I'm a terrible person

Last Friday, 2/20/09 was the third anniversary of Zeke's passing and I didn't make him a tribute post. I feel horrible. I do miss him terribly. I'm also a terrible person because I didn't post a tribute to Smokey like I did for Zeke after he passed away. There's just so much to say and I'm afraid I'm going to miss something. But this post is for Zeke.

RIP my Beloved! 2/9/96-2/20/06. You may be gone, but you're most certainly not forgotten.

You Say It's Your Birthday!!

Happy 3rd Birthday Rockstar!!

He may look cute and sweet and innocent, but don't let that sweet face fool you! Anyway, he's 3 years old today. Despite what I say he's a very good boy.

Also today, Smokey has been gone for a month. I can't believe it's already been a month. I still miss him terribly, but it's getting somewhat easier. It's definitely been different around here without him. I no longer have to get up several times in the middle of the night nor do I constantly have to clean up dog pee. It's bittersweet. My life got easier, but I miss him more than I can bear some days. All I can say is RIP bear.

RIP My Beloved Smokey Bear

June 15, 1996 - January 16, 2009

Agony

I took Smokey to the vet tonight and was told that it is time. They understand that I will do it when necessary and in the mean time they will try to help me make him more comfortable. Since this picture was taken in September he has lost 7lbs, he is 20lbs now, his eyebrows are all white, he has trouble sitting/laying down and getting comfortable and he has numerous accidents in the house. He can no longer hold it for 8 hours, it's lucky if he holds it 2 hours. We get up in the middle of the night, sometimes twice to go out. I clean up after him, I haven't had a full night's sleep in over 2 years. I do these things because I love him and I can't bear the thought of losing him.

However, I can't bear the thought of him being in pain. The Dr. said he is in pain and that with the tumors things will only get worse. He strains so hard to go to the bathroom he falls over. She said we could put him on 2 more medications to help with the pain and see if the antibiotics will help him at all. But I don't want to do that to him, he's been too good of a dog to let him be in pain or pump him with meds. They ran some tests to see if he has kidney disease and to see if by chance he has an infection that could be helped by antibiotics.

The results will be in tomorrow. My heart will be broken forever.

Here I Am

As you know I have been in and out of the blogging world. I have been reading your blogs, but I just haven't been writing on mine.

I'm sure you have some burning questions for me, such as how are my dogs. We'll start with Rocky. He is doing okay. He goes for physical therapy every week where he gets a heated ultra sound on his legs, then a massage then he walks for 20 minutes on an underwater treadmill. Sounds like the life doesn't it??? Rocky has some issues and he is pretty shy and he can't seem to relax enough to enjoy the massage. Also, he is very overweight and is on OM dog food, yep, you guessed it, Overweight Management food. He doesn't seem to be losing very fast. W

Now on to Smokey. His story isn't as happy. He has good days and bad days. He barely eats and he's down to about 19lbs now. He was about 28lbs last year. He also has many accidents. He can barely hold it. Then on some days he does eat, if he doesn't feel like eating I make him some hamburger or something yummy. But he's still my sweet baby and the thought of losing him kills me. Even though the accidents and the numerous trips outside drive me nuts, I still can't live without him.

Anyway, not much been going on with me. Just been working and shopping for the holidays, which I am done with!!

By the way, if you're a dog person and you love to read, you must read The Story of Edgar Sawtelle!! It is a MUST READ.

More Bad News

So today I took Rocky to the vet. He is 2 years old and has severe and degenerative arthritis in both of his front paws and issues with his back knees. He may need surgery on his back knees at some point and he may need physical therapy. They said they can give me medication to manage his pain. But he is 2 years old and now he is facing a life time of pain.

I don't know what to do. He already has a lot of damage from the arthritis and there is nothing they can do for his front legs. I don't know if I can subject him to a life time of pain. So not only am I going to lose Smokey soon, but now it's possible that I may lose Rocky all too soon. The dog has some strikes against him, he's aggressive and now this. My poor boys.

I bought them Halloween costumes and I am going to enter them into a costume contest. Smokey is going to be a police dog and Rocky is going to be a convict. I hope they win some prize. Here are their pictures.

Potpourri

No, this is not a post about potpourri, it's a post about a few different things. LisaB left me a comment that she missed me, so I thought I would write a post.

I am so over the guy in the last post. He is the one with issues, not me. Anyway, he told me he still wants to see me casually (ya right), so that made me feel better. But I am moving on. I've gone on a few dates with some nice men, but no connection yet. I am still hopeful!

Today is my mother's 60th birthday and we have some relatives coming up to surprise her, this should be a very fun weekend. I can't wait to see them. Oh and they will be staying here with me, so I spent 5 hours cleaning my house today. What fun!

I do have some bad news. My beloved Smokey is not doing so well. I have watched him get worse over the last few months. The good news is that he is still happy, he eats, he plays and he is there to greet me at the door every night when I come home, he also walks me to the door every morning before I leave. He does have accidents, we have to go outside A LOT even in the middle of the night. It's tough. He strains hard to go to the bathroom.

The only options that I have left for him are to take him to an oncologist. However, I have decided that since he is 12 years old and has a heart murmur that I am just going to let him live out the rest of what time he has left happy. I'm afraid that if I put him through chemo it will make him sick and miserable and who knows if it will even work or will even prolong his life. This is one of the toughest decisions I have made, but I've decided that I love him too much to put him through hell for my own selfishness.

I will say though that it's really hard. I can't even bear the thought of not seeing his sweet little face everyday. It breaks my heart, but I feel deep down it's for the best not to put him through it.


Anyway, I have been reading all of your blogs and keeping up to date on your lives.